the mininovel highlights (part one)

1. The large amounts of slightly homoerotic novels written by year 9 boys about each other. For example 'A Year in the life of Jack, by Brad' (names changed to protect the "innocent") which begins with a fairly graphic description of a wet dream. Lovely. It's honestly bizarre. These boys are often rolling around together on the carpet of our form room, still covered in grass stains from rolling around on the grass at recess while "playing football". I really don't remember doing anything similar in high school. But then I was too busy not playing sport so I could bunk off and hang out with the girls.

2. "Hi my name is Collin. My story starts simple as a house. A house with nothing special just a house well that what i throat when i first went to see the house. You see the news paper I work for was moving there lactation" Lactation? That had me stumped for a bit. You can see where the obsessions are here though. Throat... lactation... stump (oh, wait, that was me.)

3. The four 4,000 word mininovels I've read that lack a single full-stop. One of which was written by the granddaughter of a woman who told me at parent teacher interviews that she "can't see the point of that English stuff. I mean, when are you ever going to need to use one of those puncture mark things?" (This latter statement illustrated by stabbing motions.)

4. My favourite is still the bad-ass crime novel that begins with the line "I had just received a massage from the Black Dragon, the most dangerous criminal in all of China." See, homoeroticism everywhere.

5. I almost forgot. There's also the "Untitled" masterpiece which reads "suck large penis........ print me baby." Sadly anonymous.