Lying to Children

Apparently a teacher should never be sarcastic or untruthful to their students. But to not do so would be denying oneself one of the greater perks of the job.

I remember the first time I truly appreciated the joy that is lying to children. It was on my second teaching placement and I had just finished a lengthy presentation on the wildlife of Antarctica. I'd shown them a pretty comprehensive video on the subject and given them some extensive notes on the board. All that remained was for these - unusually well-educated - students to arrange the various species in order of size. This immediately proved to be beyond the majority of them.

S: Mr B, are krill really big or really small?
MB: Ah, yes, krill. Krill are actually the largest crustaceans on the planet. True fact. They grow up to 3 metres in length and roam the ice-floes in packs, hunting penguins.
S: (nodding and quickly returning to work) Ok, thanks!

Today I convinced a year 9 girl she would be too tall to ever date Guy Sebastian.

G: Mr B, someone's stolen my Guy Sebastian sticker from the front of my diary.
MB: Never mind, sometimes the crime is also the punishment.
G: I love Guy Sebastian.
MB: He's a good Christian boy too, isn't he?
(G, a devout Christian herself, nods)
MB: You know he's only three foot tall though?
G: What?
MB: It's true. He only comes up to about here. (Mr B holds hand up to his waist.)
G: No way.
MB: Really. You see people on TV and they look a normal size, but it's a trick of the camera. When you see them in real life, you're always surprised how short they are. You see, you need to be small to fit on the screen. When we go to widescreen they'll need to be even shorter.
G: But how come he looked tall when I saw him in concert?
MB: When you see people in concert, what you don't realise is that the stage is especially built to give you a sense of false perspective. Like those rooms you get at sideshows with the sloping floors - the ones where people look bigger even though they're moving away? The stages are built like that, so people look tall even when they're really short.
G: (possibly not entirely convinced) O...k.... Do you know I nearly got to meet him?
MB: It's a shame you didn't. You could have patted him on the head.